My child turned three, but I feel like I'm newly born

December 17, 2024 in maternity, boudoir, Personal, family

I’ve never understood why we don’t celebrate the mothers on their child’s birthday.

We are constantly being reborn.

We are teaching ourselves something new and it’s our first time, just as it is our child’s.

Yesterday was spent celebrating our child, Maeve. This little being is the most special human I’ve ever met (yes, I know, every parents says this). But, she spreads joy everywhere she goes. Strangers can’t help but smile and talk to her.

It was bittersweet. I love watching her grow and become her own self, but damn it’s hard. Knowing that we will never be in this stage with her again hurts.

I haven’t been big on birthdays since I’ve been an adult. So much of the magic has faded and a lot of it feels like I’m just going through the motions.

Art Is Inherently Selfish

December 04, 2024 in boudoir, art, Personal

I talk a lot about my journey into boudoir.

How it started from a place of darkness and loneliness in my own life. A place of feeling invisible.

Photographing women, giving them a chance to feel seen and have a holistic experience, tricked my brain into thinking that I could give that back to myself. And, it worked.

It gave me the strength to make the changes I needed in my life to get to a place of wholeness and growth. Their bravery was a domino effect and mine soon followed. Okay, maybe a couple of years later, but it still followed and I know that these women had a lot to do with it. How could they not? By creating art with them, our stories were intertwined. I couldn’t tell my story without them and vise versa.

This leads me to my feelings on art being inherently selfish.

The Weight of Finality

October 11, 2024 in Personal, boudoir

I have always had a relationship with finality.

I remember being a child and watching one of my favorite show’s series finale. It felt heavy. Everything was tied up with a bow, but I didn’t feel happy. I knew that I would never see another new episode. I knew that these people weren’t real, but their lives and their stories felt real. It was as if they were growing alongside me and their failures and triumphs were my own.

The show ended and the actors came out on stage (back then it was filmed in front of a live audience). They were all holding hands and they took several bows. Some of them were crying. They were hugging and talking to each other. Obviously, we couldn’t hear what they were saying as we watched them on our bulky tvs. But, I imagined they were saying what we would say in real life, saying what should have been said the whole time and not just at “goodbye”.

It’s somewhat like an obituary. We say all of the most meaningful and heartfelt things after someone has passed. We feel it so deeply because we know we’ll never be able to say those words to them. We hold out hope that somehow they can hear us and that they knew it all along, even if left unsaid while living.

I’m not leaving anything unsaid.

Here is my obituary to myself before I became a mother. She has died, yes, but part of her still lives and I want her to know how much I love her and appreciate her sacrifice.

My "Why" of photographing Boudoir is ever evolving

May 05, 2024 in boudoir

Art has a way of healing and that’s been the common thread throughout my years of this work. While my reasons for being passionate about it might change and take new shape, my voice has always been for women. We need places to go where we feel seen. We need others to tell our stories so that we don’t get lost. We need gifts of silence in the day-to-day chaos. We deserve pockets of refuge in this vast existence.

Boudoir Is Art

March 08, 2024 in boudoir

My goal is to merge the women I photograph with the fine art they would hang in their home.

Living in such a beautiful place like Palm Beach, most of my clients are art collectors. But, for some reason there is a disconnect for many of them. They are moved by a photograph of a nude stranger, in their home, but the thought of the woman in that photograph being them is uncomfortable.

Why?

Because vulnerability is uncomfortable and hard.