maternity

My child turned three, but I feel like I'm newly born

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My child turned three, but I feel like I'm newly born

I’ve never understood why we don’t celebrate the mothers on their child’s birthday.

We are constantly being reborn.

We are teaching ourselves something new and it’s our first time, just as it is our child’s.

Yesterday was spent celebrating our child, Maeve. This little being is the most special human I’ve ever met (yes, I know, every parents says this). But, she spreads joy everywhere she goes. Strangers can’t help but smile and talk to her.

It was bittersweet. I love watching her grow and become her own self, but damn it’s hard. Knowing that we will never be in this stage with her again hurts.

I haven’t been big on birthdays since I’ve been an adult. So much of the magic has faded and a lot of it feels like I’m just going through the motions.

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Wellington Family Photographer

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Wellington Family Photographer

Something I really love about this session is that you can almost feel the warmth of the sun when looking through the photographs. It just feels like home. There is light and laughter and so much love. They truly never stopped laughing and playing.

This session celebrated the joy of their family, the beauty of motherhood, and their deep connection to nature.

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Boca Raton Maternity Photographer

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Boca Raton Maternity Photographer

Gaby and Ryan are avid surfers and travel the world to do so. They are currently living in North Florida, but were home visiting family in Boca Raton and knew they wanted to involve the ocean in their session.

Your photographs should encompass your environment; the very place that brings you inspiration and feeds your soul. For these two, that involves water and movement.

We met at sunrise and the rest is history.

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SSRIs Saved Me As a Mother - Boca Raton Family Photographer

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SSRIs Saved Me As a Mother - Boca Raton Family Photographer

This photograph, of me, will always be my favorite from that time.

This is so much of what motherhood has felt like to me. Everything is a foggy memory because I was in constant fight or flight. Something that might seem like a normal inconvenience would send me into a full spiral. I would look around at other mothers and say, “How are you enjoying this? Why did you choose to have another baby and do this to yourself all over again? What’s wrong with me? Am I ever going to enjoy motherhood?”

I wasn’t someone who fell in love with her baby right when they put her on my chest. It took me almost two years to feel that for her. Yes, I had love for her and would do anything for her, but she felt like a stranger to me. I couldn’t let her in because I was actively fighting motherhood every day.

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I'm a Pessimist, But I Don't Want To Be

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I'm a pessimist.

It's plagued me my entire life.

I've always thought, "I'm just never going to look at the world in a positive light. I'm always going to be negative and assume the worst."

I'm sure it's contributed to my (at times) crippling anxiety and (at times) depression.

I've been listening to podcasts about the studies on optimism and pessimism and it's been nothing short of eye-opening and inspiring.

They are learning that while it can be an inherited outlook, you can actually train yourself to be more optimistic.

The Happiness Lab has an interview with psychologist Marty Seligman (a self-proclaimed pessimist) on his studies on what makes people happy. He's quite literally changed his thinking to be optimistic.

Why am I writing this? I'm writing this because I know I'm not the only one who suffers from a debilitating mindset that affects everyone around you, including your family. I know that I'm not the only one who wishes that everything hard that happens isn't "the end of the world" or "worst thing ever".

I know I'm not the only one who has cried actual tears over the way their brain works, but hasn't wanted to know the actual answer of if it can be fixed because what if the answer is, "This is just who you are"?

I'm finding that it doesn't have to be. I can nurture the things that are good in my life and the strengths that I posses, instead of nurturing what brings me pain.

The first photo of me pregnant shows what motherhood has felt like for the most part.

The second photo is how I long to feel most days.

I'm going to nurture the good in my life so that I can be more of the woman in that second photograph. I deserve it.