Birth of a Mother | Matrescence

One of my closest friends messaged me last week and she exclaimed, “You have to read this article and watch the video!”

No, I’m not a mother.

But, I will do everything in my power to build mothers up and make sure they feel like they have support and an army around them.

I watched the short video and was in complete awe. They found a word to explain what happens to a woman’s psychological development when she becomes a mother.

Matrescence

“When a baby is born, so is a mother -- but the natural (and sometimes unsteady) process of transition to motherhood is often silenced by shame or misdiagnosed as postpartum depression. In this quick, informative talk, reproductive psychiatrist Alexandra Sacks breaks down the emotional tug-of-war of becoming a new mother -- and shares a term that could help describe it: matrescence.” - Ted Talks via Youtube.

Please watch the incredibly informative video (it’s only 6 minutes).


Some quotes from the article by Alexandra Sacks:

“Let’s delve deeper into “matrescence,” the transition into motherhood described in our New York Times article, “Birth of a Mother”. Like adolescence, it is a transitionary period. Being pregnant is like going through puberty all over again: your hormones go nuts, your hair and skin don’t behave the way you’d like, and you develop a new relationship with a body that seems to have a mind of its own.

The difference? Everyone understands that adolescence is an awkward phase. But during matrescence, people expect you to be happy while you’re losing control over the way you look and feel.”

Powerful stuff, right?!

She goes on to explain:

“Ambivalence:

A feeling that comes up in the roles and relationships you’re most invested in, because they’re always a juggling act between giving and taking. Most of the time, the experience of motherhood is not good or bad, it’s both good and bad.

Fantasy vs. Reality:

Your imagination about pregnancy and motherhood is informed by observations of your own mother, female relatives, friends, and women in your community and culture. Fantasies may be powerful enough that reality disappoints if it doesn’t align with your vision.

Guilt, Shame and “The Good Enough Mother”:

There’s also the ideal mother in your mind. Many women think that “good enough” (a phrase coined by the pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott) is not acceptable, because it sounds like settling. But striving for perfection sets you up to feel shame and guilt.”

This is the one that really got me:

“Intergenerational:

All mothering is intergenerational: for better and for worse, your maternal identity is founded in your mother’s style, and hers in her mother’s. Whether you parent your child as your mother parented you, or adopt a different mothering style, becoming a mother gives you a beautiful (and sometimes painful) opportunity for a do-over. In a way, you get to re-experience your own childhood in the act of parenting, repeating what was good, while trying to improve upon what you think you can do better.”

She then ends the article saying:

“Competition:

Your friends and family — even your spouse or partner — will be competing for your attention with your baby. Motherhood will also compete with the time, energy and resources you’re used to investing into your own eating, exercise, recreation, organization, sexuality, finances, and work. You’ll have to navigate a shift in your role and relationship to all of these people and places, and yourself.”


It’s incredible to read or watch anything that makes you feel a little less alone in this world. That it’s okay to not love every part of being a mother, even big parts of it. We sacrifice so much of ourselves to bring children into this world. We can’t give 100% to every aspect of our life and a lot of times we sacrifice things that used to mean a lot to us in order to start a family.

I hope that everyone looks into this, not just mothers or women. If we can better understand what new moms are going through then we can learn to be more compassionate and supportive. We can learn to not shame, but instead lift mothers up.

To all of the incredible moms I’ve photographed…I see you. You’re AMAZING. You are never alone.









Boudoir Looks Different To Everyone

Boudoir Looks Different To Everyone

R then told me that she never had photos in her wedding dress. She and her husband had a very small and intimate wedding and they never had any photos taken. She pulled out this gorgeous gold dress and we headed outside. We ended up with some pretty stellar, sun-drenched portraits of her in her wedding dress. Something I tell every woman that inquires with me is that, “boudoir looks different to everyone”. Some women I photograph are lingerie collectors, some love to wear a tank and jeans, other want to be fully nude. Beautiful and confident is what you make of it. You don’t need to conform to anyone else’s standard of beauty. I love that R decided to do this as part of her session. She was GLOWING.

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Atrium At Curtis Center Wedding | Philadelphia Wedding Photographer | Shannon Griffin

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El and Pat had a gorgeous, classic Philadelphia wedding at the Curtis Center. El’s engagement ring and veil were both Pat’s grandmother’s. Such a beautiful day for a beautiful couple.

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Where Should Your Family Session Take Place

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The thing that I love about the direction photography has gone is, is that these sessions can become anything you want them to. Often, the same question comes up, “Where do you recommend we do our family session?” My answer is almost always going to be the same: Is there a place that’s special to you? Yes, family photos are about the people in them and the emotions. However, there is also an environmental element that should be considered. Where your photos take place are going to help tell your story. Let’s look at some different examples of places that I’ve photographed families and why these locations were chosen.

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Garibaldi Cafe Wedding | Savannah Wedding Photographer | McKenzie and Andrew

This perfectly southern wedding is featured on Southern Weddings!

From McKenzie: 

"Our ceremony began at 2:00 p.m., so there was a little gap of time between when the ceremony ended and when we wanted the cocktail hour to begin. One of the things that Andrew and I love so much about Savannah is the history. Most of our guests had never even been to Savannah so we thought what better way to show everyone around than a Historic Trolley Tour. After the ceremony the guests were able to get the party started on air conditioned trolleys with some beverages. The tour guides were hilarious and kept them entertained while the wedding party was busy taking pictures. We had great feedback from everyone on what a great idea it was.

Andrew and I wanted to keep the tradition of having our first look be as the church doors opened. Our photographer, Shannon Griffin, made a suggestion that I do a first look with my father instead. This ended up being such a special moment for us. This was a time for just my dad and I to spend with each other by ourselves. It was emotional, but helped me get over some of my nerves. After all… he was going to be the one walking me down the aisle. The pictures of these few minutes of my dad seeing me for the first time turned out absolutely amazing and something that I will cherish forever.

There were so many great memories from our wedding day that I could go on forever. I think the moments that stand out to me the most now are the times that Andrew and I stopped to just take everything in. After we did our dances and walked around talking to all of our guests, we sat at our sweetheart table in the center of the room and just enjoyed everything. It was such a surreal feeling to look around the room. A year worth of planning had come together in the most romantic way. More importantly, it was the first and probably only time that all of our friends and families from both sides were all together. We were so blessed and humbled that so many people we love were able to make the trip to celebrate us."

 

Ceremony // Sacred Heart
Reception //  Garibaldi Café
Photographer // Shannon Griffin
Planning // Lacy McLaurin with Design Studio South
Florist // Kato Floral Designs
Bride's Dress //  Calvet Couture Bridal
Hair // Jessica Bailey with Enchanted Salon
Shoes // “Imagine” by Vince Camuto
Invitation Suite // Do Tell Calligraphy and Design
Cake // Savannah Hall of Cakes