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SSRIs Saved Me As a Mother - Boca Raton Family Photographer

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SSRIs Saved Me As a Mother - Boca Raton Family Photographer

This photograph, of me, will always be my favorite from that time.

This is so much of what motherhood has felt like to me. Everything is a foggy memory because I was in constant fight or flight. Something that might seem like a normal inconvenience would send me into a full spiral. I would look around at other mothers and say, “How are you enjoying this? Why did you choose to have another baby and do this to yourself all over again? What’s wrong with me? Am I ever going to enjoy motherhood?”

I wasn’t someone who fell in love with her baby right when they put her on my chest. It took me almost two years to feel that for her. Yes, I had love for her and would do anything for her, but she felt like a stranger to me. I couldn’t let her in because I was actively fighting motherhood every day.

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How do we spread our art, knowing the very privilege it is to have the freedom to make it?

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How do we spread our art, knowing the very privilege it is to have the freedom to make it?

“The most courageous act in a world that is cruel and numb is to feel the pain and still choose to live with your heart wide open.” - James McCrae

How?

How do we see the ugly in the world around us and choose to create beauty?

How do we spread our art, knowing the very privilege it is to have the freedom to make it?

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My daughter was the death of the weakest parts of me and the birth of the strongest

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My daughter was the death of the weakest parts of me and the birth of the strongest

I used to think that having a child would be the death of me.

In a way, it was.

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What I'm Telling Myself is, "I'm not worthy"

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What I'm Telling Myself is, "I'm not worthy"

What I was telling myself is, “I’m not worthy”.

I spend so much of my life helping others feel worthy and yet, it feels impossible to give that to myself.

I’ve missed out on networking events, time with friends and family, and celebrations because of how I look.

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Surrendering What "Could" Be In Motherhood

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I've been fighting motherhood since Maeve was born. I have a hard time letting go of control. There is something so hard about surrendering your thought of how parenthood "would" be.

But, the other side has been incredibly beautiful.

It's not Maeve's responsibility to inspire my growth, but she has just by her sheer existence. I'm facing hard truths about myself and areas I need to stretch and improve upon. This is the work I should have been putting in long before I had a child, simply to become a better person. But, I wasn't. She pushes me to see my areas of weakness and make them into the strongest parts of me.

I never realized how resilient I can be until the process of becoming pregnant and everything that has followed.

She's also made me the best version of an artist to date. I've always served mothers, but now it goes much deeper. The way I can empathize and strive to give them an experience that will mean more as the years go by. This time in our lives is all about survival and my mission is to give mothers a few moments of breath...a few moments of letting go of control and expectations.

"I feel there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people: - Van Gogh

Little girl in dress, running into the ocean waves during a colorful sunrise