“The most courageous act in a world that is cruel and numb is to feel the pain and still choose to live with your heart wide open.” - James McCrae
How?
How do we see the ugly in the world around us and choose to create beauty?
How do we spread our art, knowing the very privilege it is to have the freedom to make it?
Other artists ask me how I get my clients and so much of it is networking and word of mouth. But, how do you put yourself out there when you can’t even get out of bed? Speaking of bed, I spent the entire day there yesterday, hiding under my covers because the world outside was just too heavy to face.
But, my family needs me. My daughter needs me. I rely on the art that I create for others, so what do I do when I can’t even bring myself to write an email because it feels like it’s going to take every last bit of energy I have left (which was none to begin with)?
I sprinkle posts about what’s going on in the world between posts about my art. It feels like I’m punching the air.
My clients and I make magic together; creating art that reminds me to breathe. But, when I’m not doing that I feel like I’m lost again. I don’t know where my worth is. I don’t feel like I’m doing enough to help those in need. I feel like I’m not creating enough. I feel, I feel, I FEEL.
Feeling is what creates these relationships I have with the women I photograph. But, feeling is also what keeps me from leaving my house most days.
Where is the balance?
Is there ever balance?
There is therapy, medicine, meditation, exercise…but, nothing tells you how to deal with watching the world burn around you.
I have to post to social media to keep my business relevant, but it feels so gross at times.
That’s the hard truth. I feel gross. I feel like another link in a chain that is attached to nothing.
But, what’s the alternative? What happens if I decide one day to never leave my bed? What if I never pick up my camera again? What if I never have another meaningful and beautiful conversation with someone who is also searching for the beauty? What if me leaving my heart “wide open” gives someone the space to get out of their own bed?
Why is humanity so damn hideous and beautiful at the same time?
I’m not so self-important that I think others need me. But, I have experienced it myself, what art can do to a soul. If I can give that to one person then it’s worth getting out of bed.
I don’t know who I’m writing this for or if it’s just a reminder to get out of bed tomorrow and make the damn art.
I can’t imagine what it would be like to live in a world where everyone’s heart is wide open.
