I saw the headline Taking Boudoir Photos Made Me Less Anxious About My Body and stopped dead in my tracks.
I’ve suffered from horrible anxiety since I was 13 years old. I had to go to the emergency room a few times because I kept getting so dizzy at school that I was almost passing out. I was sure I was dying of something. I had my first major panic attack at only 13 years old. Since then they come and go, but let me tell you something, if you’ve never had a panic attack please consider yourself lucky. For people who don’t suffer from anxiety or hypochondria, it feels like you’re dying. Hell, you’re convinced you are. It’s something that keeps you from making dinner plans with new friends because they don’t know you well enough to know that you might have to leave the restaurant right after you order because you’re panicking and just need to get the hell out of there. Anxiety makes you constantly apologize to loved ones for changing plans last minute or needing to lock yourself in their bathroom for an hour while you try not to throw up or pass out. Anxiety has aged me and taken me away from some really amazing experiences. It’s what’s keeping me from traveling to Bali because I know I won’t be able to handle that long of a plane ride. The devil that this is has caused me to have to take a Xanax in the middle of photographing a ceremony and waiting for the medicine to finally kick in half-way through the family formals.
Do any of my clients ever see this? No, they don’t. It’s something I’ve hidden most of my life, unless you really know me. I will always have a bottle of Xanax in my bag because I just don’t know when my anxiety is going to hit.
This article really hit home for me. “I have generalized anxiety disorder, which seeps into every aspect of my life, including my appearance.”, says the writer, Jamie Friedlander. There have been times I’ve been completely obsessed with my appearance and other times where I won’t wear makeup for weeks at a time. It just depends on how I’m feeling about myself overall. What I love about Jamie’s experience is that she did it. That’s it. That was so incredibly brave to face down her anxiety and do the damn session. Anxiety is such an enemy and just waking up and facing it day-to-day is a feat in itself.
I was crying the entire time I was reading Jamie’s words. These tears were two-part for me. I felt Jamie’s fear. I felt her crippling anxiety and obsession. On the other hand, I know what boudoir can do for women and it made me smile, through those tears, knowing that another deserving woman saw herself differently that day. She now has a reminder of how INCREDIBLE she is every time she looks at her photographs.
I say it over and over and over…BOUDOIR IS MORE THAN JUST NUDE PHOTOS OF YOURSELF. It’s freedom. It’s a way to find yourself. It’s a way to forget some of yourself. It’s a way to claim something you might have lost or find something you didn’t know you were searching for. Boudoir is a gift that I think everyone should not only give to herself, but something she truly deserves.
Please, PLEASE go read Jaime’s article and everything she took from her session. I’m going to leave you with one of my favorite parts from her writing:
“On the day of the photo shoot, it still didn’t feel like enough. I walked into the sun-soaked studio filled with a simple bed with white linens on edge. What was I thinking? But I slowly began to relax thanks to the awesome photographer, her team, and their endless stream of compliments. You have a great butt! That outfit is to die for! Your hair looks amazing! I got so confident in front of the camera that I even had the courage to put on my most risque outfit: a thong-style, black lace teddy. On the drive home I remember looking at myself in the rear-view mirror as I giddily thought, I can’t believe I just did that. I eagerly awaited the photos over the next few weeks. When they finally came, my first reaction wasn’t "My husband is going to love these." It was "Oh my God. I love these." I didn’t look skinny or flawless, but I didn’t care. I looked healthy and beautiful and, most important, happy. I ordered a printed album immediately.”
