I haven’t been sleeping.

Yesterday I laid in my bed for a long time, just looking at the wall. Unable to put my thoughts into words when Matt asked me if I was okay.

“No, I’m not okay” is what my entire body wanted to say, but I just shook my head and whispered, “yes.”

I don’t want to keep putting this depression on him. He’s right there fighting beside me, so I don’t need to then put my own sadness back on him.

People told me this is what was going to happen when I finally stepped out of my own privilege and woke up to what was really happening around me. I truly believe I’m going through the grieving process.