How are you? I mean, really, how are you?
It’s been almost eight months of this unknown. It’s enough to drive anyone into depression.
I was listening to Brené Brown’s podcast on my run this morning. She was talking about all of us going through this pandemic and what it feels like. She shared an article by science journalist, Tara Haelle, titled
Your ‘Surge Capacity’ Is Depleted — It’s Why You Feel Awful
“Now we were in a pandemic, and I’m a science journalist who has written about infectious disease and medical research for nearly a decade. I was on fire, cranking out stories, explaining epidemiological concepts in my social networks, trying to help everyone around me make sense of the frightening circumstances of a pandemic and the anxiety surrounding the virus.
I knew it wouldn’t last. It never does. But even knowing I would eventually crash, I didn’t appreciate how hard the crash would be, or how long it would last, or how hard it would be to try to get back up over and over again, or what getting up even looked like.
In those early months, I, along with most of the rest of the country, was using “surge capacity” to operate, as Ann Masten, PhD, a psychologist and professor of child development at the University of Minnesota, calls it. Surge capacity is a collection of adaptive systems — mental and physical — that humans draw on for short-term survival in acutely stressful situations, such as natural disasters. But natural disasters occur over a short period, even if recovery is long. Pandemics are different — the disaster itself stretches out indefinitely.”
Woah.
That’s a lot to take in. We just have no idea what the long-term effects are going to be. That’s both with our mental state, as well as physical for those that have been infected.
Tara then goes on to talk about understanding ambiguous loss.
“Just as painful are losses that may result from the intersection of the pandemic and the already tense political division in the country. For many people, issues related to Covid-19 have become the last straw in ending relationships, whether it’s a family member refusing to wear a mask, a friend promoting the latest conspiracy theory, or a co-worker insisting Covid-19 deaths are exaggerated.
Ambiguous loss elicits the same experiences of grief as a more tangible loss — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — but managing it often requires a bit of creativity.”
Haley goes on to say:
“It's different from a hurricane or tornado where you can look outside and see the damage. The destruction (Covid) is, for most people, invisible and ongoing.”
Brené adds to that, saying, “So I don't think I've given myself permission to experience covid as a terrible long-term disaster, but it is and I think we're doing that thing a lot of us do, myself included, where we're looking for disaster relief while the hurricane is still blowing the shutters off the house. We just don't know how to do it.”
She goes on to say, “Dr. Mattis (professor of thoracic surgery at the University of Minnesota) explained why building things and creating is bringing some of us joy and real feelings of restoration and recharge. He explains that there are two ways that The brain deals with the world: the future, including things we need to go after and get done AND the here-and-now, seeing things and touching things. He explained that rather than being at the mercy of what's going on in the world right now, we can use elements of this natural reward system that we have and construct things that are good, no matter what. He says these kinds of activities have a planning element a real here-and-now experience element.”
So how do we push through this? With no end in sight, how do we manage day-to-day trauma?
Create.
Do things for yourself that make you feel good.
Go back to painting, making music, cooking, or whatever makes you happy.
Play.
Play is so important in our adult lives, just as it was as children. Yet, we forget to do it.
We are going to get through this. We are resilient. We just need to be able to lean on one another and also do things that make us feel good.
Go play!
