Art has a lot of different meanings to a lot of different people.
For me, art should invoke a feeling inside of the viewer, as well as when the artist is creating the art.
Creation comes long before the physical art is made. There are moments of imagining what could be and what would happen if it didn’t work out. That’s the beauty. There is a risk you take when you brave into the world of creation.
Art usually comes from a place of longing to be seen or needing to express something that’s so loud inside of you, you feel you’ll explode if you don’t get it out.
Boudoir started to take shape for me when I was in a dark place with my last marriage. I felt very unseen and didn’t know how to find myself. I was lonely, really lonely. When women would come to me, searching for themselves, I poured everything into helping them find who they were. I would dig deep into places they were scared to go. Why? Because on the other side of vulnerability is courage. And, it takes courage to create art. I realized I was creating art WITH these women, not just FOR these women. They would tell me secrets and celebrations and I would hold them so close to my chest that it felt like it was helping me breathe. If I could help other women feel seen then maybe I could begin to see myself.
These women owed me nothing, and many don’t know this, but creating with them helped build strength in me to know when it was time to leave. I didn’t know because it was all happening quietly inside of me. But, in retrospect, I saw strong women facing their own fears and coming out on the other side.
One would think that carrying their stories while I was lost would have been too much to handle. But, it was the opposite. It allowed me to tell their story, while still holding onto mine. I still had to go through the darkness, but on the other side of that was so much light. I saw that I could be brave like the women I came to know and photograph.
When I moved on from that part of my life, and began to find true and lasting happiness, I was fearful that my art would suffer. Often times when you hear the stories of artists from history, you hear how depressed they were. I thought it was the darkness that was pushing me to create this meaningful art. What I soon found out is that my happiness allowed more mental space to be there in even deeper ways for these women. I still held their stories close, but I didn’t need them to breathe. I could photograph them, tell their story, and then hold onto it loosely as a fond memory.
Many of the women I’ve photographed over the years, and continue to photograph, are mothers. I’ve always had a deep respect for them. But, what I couldn’t comprehend is how much they longed to find themselves in their new identity.
All this to say, when I had my daughter I had a new story and I realized that I needed to hold a different space for mothers.
Mothers need grace and understanding. They need to be “pushed” to be front and center in their photographs. I’m not just talking about family sessions. This also applies to boudoir. These women are so used to being in the shadows of their family that they don’t know how to walk into the light in their own lives. Many mothers get lost along the way when navigating their new identity. By the time they come to me it’s always for a life-changing reason. Most emails I receive sound like this one (from a woman I’ve recently photographed), “Turning 40 soon and I have 3 young kids, so needless to say that self care has taken a backseat. I want to do something fully for myself as I, admittedly, am having trepidation about this number I am approaching. Initially this idea started as something I thought I could do for my husband, as our 15 year wedding anniversary is also approaching soon, but then I realized I really wanted to do this more for me than for anyone else. I want to feel empowered and confident (something I struggle with) and beautiful. I have also, in the last year or so, transitioned to more fully being a mom and out of the workforce. Sometimes everything gets lost in the Mom shuffle and there isn’t really room for anything more ..or anything for myself ….”
Emails like this hit hard because it’s a common thread heard from mothers.
So, how do I tell her story while holding true to mine?
I ask both of us to get vulnerable and strip down walls between us. There is no judgement in this space. There is only room for expansion and growth. We sit in silence at times. Some of the questions I ask are hard and uncomfortable. But, I also give back. I tell my struggles as a woman and a mother. I talk about finding my own identity and how that wasn’t easy and I’m STILL navigating it all.
It would be silly to say, “Shannon, you’re creating art for others, it’s selfish to say that you’re also telling your story while photographing these women.” I truly believe that one cannot create art without holding true to their own voice and their own story. The very definition of art is, “The expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture, producing works to be appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional power.”
Although my story has changed dramatically over the last 10 years of photographing boudoir, my voice has always remained the same. I’m here to tell women’s stories. The purpose and power of this type of art is to get to the other side of vulnerability. It’s to face parts of ourselves that we’ve been holding onto for years. Art is to create and to let go.
The women I’ve photographed to help find their voice have helped me find my own.
What a beautiful gift.
